It's not something most surrogates will talk about openly.
For the most part, the majority of surrogates that I know feel as though there is enough negativity surrounding surrogacy without any potential help from us. So, the sacrifices that we make, we tend to keep those to ourselves.
But they do exist. Things like:
- Self imposed celibacy
- Travel restrictions
- Missed dance recitals or other kid's events (due to required travel or appointments)
- Submission to certain lifestyle changes (mostly dietary)
- Disruptions in annual traditions
In truth is, on a macro level, we're happy to make these sacrifices. The overall good and nobility of what we're doing is, to us, worth every sacrifice or inconvenience we make in exchange.
We "get" that what we're doing...
is larger than what we're doing without.
Doesn't mean it isn't annoying.
Chris and I moved to WA roughly 4 years ago. When we came, we left all of our family behind. That has made for some pretty lonely holiday seasons... party of 4. Six if you count the cats. We've combated this by introducing new traditions. Instead of spending Christmas morning at home, we make sure we're NOT home on Christmas; filling the empty space with experiences.
Last year we went over the mountains and stayed at a cabin in the snow. This year the tentative plan was to repeat that, or maybe trade snow for sand. For New Years we travel to the WA coast to dig clams, a PNW tradition among the native tribes. These traditions have quickly become near and dear to our hearts.
This year I will be nearly 34 weeks pregnant on Christmas Day. And, while I'm determined to carry these twins until AT LEAST 36 weeks, I'm told that anytime after 34 weeks is the "Go-Zone" of "anything is possible." Twins mean planning differently.
Even I must concede that it is careless at best... reckless in reality... to travel over a mountain pass that often closes for days at a time this time of year to keep family traditions in tact. It's downright criminal to travel the 3.5 hours to the coast at nearly 35 weeks pregnant, considering what I've been told about twins.
So.. this year we have a choice.
I can CHOOSE to be annoyed or angry at the loss of our tradition.
Or, I can CHOOSE to get creative and make our tradition work within our current reality. Making a fun choice that is still responsible to the care of these twins.
We're toying with making a bigger deal out of Thanksgiving, traveling for that instead. Or about a "Staycation" get away, staying at a hotel in our own hometown and making a big deal of the local holiday festivities.