Monday, February 15, 2016

My First Breakdown

It's been over a year since I set out on this new journey. I've watched suro-sisters match, transfer, birth, and now re-apply for a new match in the time that I've.... well, blogged. It's hard. This has felt like an uphill battle.

Make no mistake that Allison and Orin are the right match for Chris and I. We adore them and we are not giving up. I will make them a family. Allison WILL become a mom, and it will be because of me. Not the politically correct line I often use, "because of women like me." No, Allison will become a mom because of me. M-E. No one else.

Their doctor gives me fits though.

First I was 3 pounds shy of too fat to help them.
Then I was good enough.
Then I had some scar tissue he didn't like, and had to remove it.
Then I was good enough.
Then my vitamin D levels were too low.


The result was a delay of our cycle and a high amount of supplements for two weeks. I'm not going to sugar coat it people, my body rejected the supplements. I've been "ill" 10 out of the last 14 days. Use your imagination.

Note: surrogacy is NOT easy money, nor is it always pretty.

But I've taken the supplements, I've reintroduced myself to my toilet, I've made my peace with it.


Then there was today. My ordered retest for vitamin D levels. I went to the hospital, a lab I've used so many times in my previous journey, expecting a quick blood pull.

It wasn't.

I spent 40 minutes driving in circles unable to find the "blue" garage. I finally called the lab, in tears, to ask for help... only to learn they had a 20-40 minute wait anyway and had redone the parking garage 'colors'. At least my confusions was justified, right?

I had a total sobbing breakdown. It was like the straw that broke the camel's back.

I called my surro-sister bestie and just fell apart. I cried big, fat, ugly tears. Over failure to find a blood lab. I mean, really?! I'm strong enough to have someone else's baby... but failure to find a lab drives me to tears? Come on....

Adrienne, as all best friends do, talked me down, built me up, and put me back on stable ground. Do you know what she told me to do? She told me to write, to blog, to tell you all about this. To remind you that this isn't always easy, or pretty, or glamorous. BUT- there are always good people ready and willing to help you. AND- the end is always worth the hassle.

I got my act together and was able to get my blood pulled (at a different lab) a couple of hours later. For good measure, the staff at that lab were pure gems. Salt of the Earth.

So today I've had a low. An all out crying, irrational low. But then I had a surro-sister just 3 seconds away (thanks, cell phone) who made it all better. The end of this story is happy... so long as this doctor doesn't find something else about me that is "not good enough" that is... My chin is back up, and I'm ready to fight some more.

But for GOD'S sake, can't we just get me pregnant already?





3 comments:

  1. thanks you so much. its awesome.

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