Previously I posted about writing letters that you never intend to send. The post wasn't just me waxing all philosophical. I had actually just written a letter that, like many others, I suspected that I would likely not send.
The letter was to request that our current surrogacy match be dissolved, and request that we try to find a better fit with a different family.
I didn't want to send the letter for a number of reasons. I am not a quitter, and we had already invested 6 months into this match. But when I woke up yesterday morning and re-read the letter, I realized that while a few parts needed to be edited out, overall, I still felt just as strongly as I had when I wrote it.
At the end of the day, and the end of a 6 month exercise in patience, Chris and I felt it was in our best interest to send the letter, dissolve our match and move forward.
I do not- will not- want to talk about many of the reasons behind this. They're personal to Chris and I, and I certainly don't want to paint a poor picture of this family. This was an incredibly challenging and very difficult choice for us.
When it comes right down to it, life is short, and a surrogacy career is shorter. As surrogates, we only get to help a very small number of people. Most of us build just one family. The lucky ones build maybe two or three, but that's usually it. We need to be our own advocates and stand up for the experience we want, and the for the surrogacy experience we want our children to view first hand.
So, next up- back to matching. I look very forward to having more news to share soon, and hopefully a more positive upbeat experience for you to go on with me.