What a brilliant and beautiful day I have had today. I got to cuddle my babies in bed this morning, prepare a feast for 7 in the afternoon (The kitchen sans kiddos is my zen place) and go for a great and sunny boat ride through Lake Washington with so many people I love.
But now that the fun and distraction of the day has passed and the kiddos are crawling into bed I find my head swimming and my nerves building.
No matter what I may have said previously, I was still secretly hoping and counting on my body to start labor on her own. Even sitting here 12 hours from medical induction, I still have a hard time believing I need one. I'm still timing contractions, hoping they're the real deal and knowing that they're not.
Preparing for a known labor is such an odd thing to me. Maybe that explains the nerves? The knowledge that this time tomorrow I'll be in great pain... It's a bit like planning to take a bottle of ex-lax tomorrow morning... yet being oddly excited for the prospect.
Perhaps the weirdest thought or feeling is knowing that I am expected to show up at the hospital to have a baby. The comedy of walking in on my own two feet in no distress and not in labor and saying, "Hi there. Mandy Storer here, reporting for duty." It feels a bit like my first day of work at a new job. "Hi, I'm Mandy. I'm here to have a baby, where do I clock in?"
Here's the funny part. The last two times I've gone to the hospital, in active labor, I've been sent home declared in false labor. This time I'll show up, no where near labor, and admitted readily. Oh, the irony.