Don't get me wrong, I know the daily inquisition is based in interest and love and I appreciate having both from so many people. Even so, please, let me issue a blanket reply to the most commonly asked questions.
And, to satisfy my inner snark and current hair trigger patience, please allow me to do it in the least polite way possible.
(Ohhh... this is about to feel really, REALLY good. )
Haven't You Had That Baby Yet?
Nope, as the massive lump protruding from beneath my T-shirt would suggest, I have not had that baby yet.
Really. I am still pregnant. I am pretty sure that my summation is accurate, as I'd be unlikely to miss the emergence of a 7-9 pound living thing through my vagina. Trust me, I'll know when I am no longer pregnant. I'll be sure to pass along the memo.
Well, When ARE You Going To Have That Baby?
I've got it penciled in for next Tuesday afternoon just after The Young and The Restless. I really hate missing my stories. Your guess is jut as good as mine, folks. I don't have any inclination as to when I will no longer be pregnant. See previous post about performance anxiety. You're not helping.
Well, When Does Your DOCTOR Think You'll Have That Baby?
Oh you know, Next Wednesday around 4:32 p.m. Seriously guys? Medical FACT -NO ONE knows what triggers the start of labor, therefor it is impossible to predict when it will begin. Even for doctors.
Well, I Know How To Jump Start Labor. Have You Tried...
|I'm Bringing Sexy Back|
How Are You Feeling/Hanging In There?
Thanks for asking how I feel. And, now that you mention it, I actually feel a little bit like Kate Moss crossed with Princess Diana with just a dash of Julia Roberts.
And then I wake up.
Seriously... I feel fat, swollen, tingly and tired. It really brings down my (generally) good mood to have to admit this over and over again. So to answer your question, I feel like any other full term pregnant lady. If that's not relatable to you, I'm sorry for my snark (truly) but please stop asking me to remember how unsexy and uncomfortable this phase of pregnancy is.
|SheRa Is So Jealous of Me|
What I do know is that I'm now rocking She-Ra gauntlets on each hand for my pregnancy induced hand and arm numbness and that my feet have swollen to the roughly the size of papayas over night taking me to a whole new level of sexiness. I also know that pretty much ALL of my Braxton Hicks contractions have stopped. While I should be happy for the reprieve... I'm just frustrated that it feels like we took a step backwards instead of forwards.
I also know that sometime in the next 14 days this baby will be born. Hopefully of her own doing and not of Pitocin's. Either way, her time is limited.