Sunday, April 6, 2014

From The Mouths of Babes

Tonight Didi said something that made me so proud. A few of you have heard the story already because I was too proud to keep it to myself. I chose not to post her words on my Facebook page for all to see because I didn't want to cheapen this very special moment or endure the controversy her words would surely cause. But I do want to blog about the event, because I feel like it is directly related to this journey.

As a rule I refuse to censor this blog. Both in the things I say and in the comments I allow you all to leave in response. However, this is a different story. I am proud of my daughter and of my parenting tonight. We shared a very special moment that I will not allow to be cheapened by controversy. While cheers, happy tears and "You GO girl" will be accepted, I'll forewarn that jabs against myself, my parenting, or my four year old won't be tolerated this time.

OK, disclaimer over. Here's the story.

About a year or so ago I was telling an admissions person at Growing Generations that one of my motivations of becoming a surrogate was to show my girls a first hand example of love, tolerance and acceptance of all. As a person with a bisexual sister, a gay aunt and more gay friends that I can enumerate, I have been an ally to the community for more than half of my life. I marched in my first parade in the 8th grade.

But I wanted to be more than words. I wanted to lead by example. And I deeply hoped that seeing a loving same sex couple would humanize the people of same sex relationships to my girls, as opposed to them just being a controversial idea and a few distant family members they'll likely never know in person.

Clearly the topic of same sex marriage and parenting comes up in our household. Because of who I am, what I am doing and what I believe, the topic peppers conversations between my husband and I. Clearly the girls hear this and know where Chris and I stand on the issue.

Apart from overhearing these adult exchanges, I've never really discussed or instructed my girls on the matter. We don't talk about why some people think it's OK while others don't. We don't talk about hate crimes, the fight for legal equality or the dogmatic concerns with our kids. We don't instruct them that "Gay is OK". We don't instruct them that "Homosexuals are sinners." To them M&T are no different than Mommy and Daddy or Aunt Mary and Uncle Dave.

So imagine my surprise (and delight) tonight when Adelia turned from her coloring page to look me in the eye and say, "Momma, some girls marry girls. And some girls marry boys. And some boys marry boys. And it's all OK."

I was instantly proud. But I didn't want to PRAISE the declaration either, as I want it to belong to her and not to her mother. I simply said to her, "That's right, they do. How do you feel about that, honey?"

Her answer? "Well, I'm going to marry YOU." And then she went back to coloring. She is 4, people. She's not a philosopher.

So I feel like one goal of this journey has been realized. She's seen something first hand that most kids don't get the chance to experience before society expects them to have an opinion on it. And she's come to her own opinion on the matter. It just makes me so proud that my 4 year old can get that this complicated issue can be as simple as that.

Some girls marry girls.
Some girls marry boys.
Some boys marry boys.
And it's all OK.

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