Thursday, November 7, 2013

Got My First Nay Sayer

I had to get it sometime, right? 

The good news is that it didn't come from family, or close friends. It came in the form of a Facebook Email from someone I'd only met in person once, and un-friended months ago. So truly, no big loss.

The letter was long, most of it trying to school me on how the bible says Homosexuality is a sin, and how my support of gay men parenting is a friendship deal killer for her. At a minimum, I am proud that she felt able to voice her religious standpoint and friendship breaking points. That takes integrity and courage to be sure.

I really don't want to dive into another religious debate here. We've been there, done that. But the part that really stands out to me is this:

"My heart bleeds that this new little person won't have a mom and dad as God designed - one parent to show them beautiful feminism, the other strength and leadership. "

Now this really breaks my heart. Who says I need a penis to teach my girls "strength and leadership" or that Chris needs a vagina in order to teach my girls how to be feminine and ladylike? Or that a single parent can't embody both? I resent the accusation.

I did reply, in a very kind manner. I told her that for every mention of homosexuality being a sin, there are 10 more preaching the importance of love, tolerance, acceptance and forgiveness. I'm not judged by law and society for my sins, and I don't think it's fair to use religion to punish others. I reminded her that Jesus dined with tax collectors and whores, that he preached acceptance and love.

Sin or not, I will always stand for equality, just as my Savior did during his time on Earth.

Matthew 25:40 spoke to me as I spoke to her.

"40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

I don't know what will happen on Judgement Day, but I can not believe that God will punish me for bringing new life into the world, or for loving ALL of his sons and daughters. I also can not believe that God will punish two parents who love a child so deeply and diligently, no matter which other sins they are guilty of. Because there is no such thing as a supersin, and we're all sinners.


  1. This is a big messy hot button topic, of course, which is why it makes it so difficult to actually discuss. People get stuck on one tenet or another, and minds are rarely ever changed. It is a shame though, that one expresses their religion outwardly by pointing out the supposed sins of others. Said naysayer might be better served to acknowledge more notable problems in the parenting world, such as the astounding number of children being raised by single parents -- over 21 million in the U.S., most of whom (~80%) are being raised by their mothers. And yet the Christian church opens their arms to divorcees day in and day out, and says that it's okay to go against "God's design" and raise children with a single parent. I think the Christians of the world need to spend a little more time being the heart and hands of God, and less time acting as the mouth of God.

  2. I'm conflicted about defending myself to someone I don't know, but I feel compelled to respond. If our child comes across this blog one day, they MUST know that we have been proud of our family from the beginning, and that we have never been afraid of defending our existence.

    All I can say is that this is a topic that M and I investigated thoroughly before embarking on our journey to parenthood.

    We came to three conclusions:
    1. By definition, all children born to same-sex parents are wanted;
    2. Multiple peer-reviewed studies show that children of same-sex parents have equal or better life outcomes than those with heterosexual parents;
    3. Our large, diverse, close-knit and incredibly supportive extended family will more than make up for any supposed lack of femininity or masculinity in M or myself;
    4. We will never judge anyone's ability to raise a family; nor will we accept any judgment against ours.

    To be completely honest, the only thing that makes my heart bleed is the fact our child will encounter views like this throughout their lives, and may also feel the need to defend themselves, as I do now. But when they do, they will know we are by their side, loving them unconditionally, always and forever. And in my opinion, that's all that matters.

    Peace & love,

    1. ^^ Make that 4 conclusions :)

    2. beautifully eloquent. Thank you for sharing.

  3. It was bound to happen, and I'm sorry. I know how much it can hurt, even if this person wasn't more than an acquaintance.

    When choosing a set of IPs, I did identify that choosing a heterosexual couple would have been "easier" for others to handle. I then scolded myself for even considering backing down on my convictions for same sex equality. My naysayer was family. It hurts; It stings; It sucks. After a day of self pity, I realized that it didn't matter. It was sad they felt that way, but nothing I was going to do or say would change it. And if I can't change it, why should it bother me so much? It shouldn't. I'm self confident with my decision to slowly add good juju to the world, I don't need anyone else's blessing to do it.

    T is absolutely correct: EVERY child born to same-sex parents are wanted. Their parents work very hard to have them, and I don't think I've ever seen a neglect story involving same sex parents.

    Keep on baking that beautiful baby for your awesome intended daddies, and I'll do the same!