Sunday, October 20, 2013

First OB

It's so odd to choose an OBGYN based on the OB part, not the GYN part. I daresay I'm not the only woman out there who is with her OBGYN because it's the doc mom used, or the doc closest to their first apartment or some combination of the two. In 2005 I needed an annual pap smear, and went to the office across the street. 5 years later they delivered Adelia, 2 years after that; Emrys.

But now I've moved cross country and need a new provider. As a 30 year old mother of two, there are things more important to me than proximity to home. There are deal killers for me now too. For example...

  • I would NEVER work with a care provider who doesn't allow a woman carrying multiples to attempt a vaginal delivery, for the sole reason of "you're carrying multiples." As a surrogate, there was a high chance I' carry multiples. So when searching for a care provider this was one of the first questions I asked. 

  • It was very important to me to find a doctor with a voice and an opinion on c-section delivery. It was important that her opinion mirrored my own. With Adelia, after pushing for nearly two hours, the doc suggested, "Why don't we just do a C-section and finish this up, dear?" I was so PISSED off... it wasn't even an option for me, especially when the reason was seemingly that the doctor was bored with my slow progress, and I told him as much. Adelia was born 20 minutes later. I'm anti C-Section in ANY situation where it is not absolutely essential to life preservation of mother, baby or both. This isn't a blanket statement for all mothers,but for me- it's absolute. I needed a doctor (and IPS, by the way) who would respect this. 

  • I also feel strongly about finding a doctor who believed in a woman's ability to deliver naturally. I have experienced both medicated and natural labor/delivery, and see merit to both. I'm nearly 11 weeks pregnant and don't know which route I'll take this time around. But I wanted a doctor with a natural approach. Someone who liked to see moms go natural so that if I do go that route, she won't mistake 8cm Mandy for someone who needs drugs for survival... mine or hers.

  • Finally, I wanted a nursing advocate. While this baby may nurse, or may get pumped milk from a bottle (I'm open to either, up to the dads) to start, it will be formula fed after he leaves for Australia. Much as I hate it, it's just logistically impossible for me to nurse an extended period of time. Despite this, I am a major nursing advocate, and I want a provider who is to. I'd want someone who believes strongly as I do that breast is best. 

I feel very excited with the provider I chose. She made me excited for the next phase of this process. She's already going out of her way to accommodate me as a surrogate and the parents. We made a point to schedule a time for her to meet the parents when they're here in December. I just know that will give them both great peace. I feel so, so good about adding her to our team. Our surrogacy team. The close knit family of people who are making this baby happen.

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