But now I've moved cross country and need a new provider. As a 30 year old mother of two, there are things more important to me than proximity to home. There are deal killers for me now too. For example...
- I would NEVER work with a care provider who doesn't allow a woman carrying multiples to attempt a vaginal delivery, for the sole reason of "you're carrying multiples." As a surrogate, there was a high chance I' carry multiples. So when searching for a care provider this was one of the first questions I asked.
- It was very important to me to find a doctor with a voice and an opinion on c-section delivery. It was important that her opinion mirrored my own. With Adelia, after pushing for nearly two hours, the doc suggested, "Why don't we just do a C-section and finish this up, dear?" I was so PISSED off... it wasn't even an option for me, especially when the reason was seemingly that the doctor was bored with my slow progress, and I told him as much. Adelia was born 20 minutes later. I'm anti C-Section in ANY situation where it is not absolutely essential to life preservation of mother, baby or both. This isn't a blanket statement for all mothers,but for me- it's absolute. I needed a doctor (and IPS, by the way) who would respect this.
- I also feel strongly about finding a doctor who believed in a woman's ability to deliver naturally. I have experienced both medicated and natural labor/delivery, and see merit to both. I'm nearly 11 weeks pregnant and don't know which route I'll take this time around. But I wanted a doctor with a natural approach. Someone who liked to see moms go natural so that if I do go that route, she won't mistake 8cm Mandy for someone who needs drugs for survival... mine or hers.
- Finally, I wanted a nursing advocate. While this baby may nurse, or may get pumped milk from a bottle (I'm open to either, up to the dads) to start, it will be formula fed after he leaves for Australia. Much as I hate it, it's just logistically impossible for me to nurse an extended period of time. Despite this, I am a major nursing advocate, and I want a provider who is to. I'd want someone who believes strongly as I do that breast is best.
I feel very excited with the provider I chose. She made me excited for the next phase of this process. She's already going out of her way to accommodate me as a surrogate and the parents. We made a point to schedule a time for her to meet the parents when they're here in December. I just know that will give them both great peace. I feel so, so good about adding her to our team. Our surrogacy team. The close knit family of people who are making this baby happen.