Friday, August 30, 2013

Food Aversions

Right now is the tricky part of IVF. 
This might look tasty to you... 
We know we put two live little embryos into me, but we have to wait a gruelling 14 days to confirm if they stuck and continued to grow. 

So right now, I might be pregnant... I might just be hormonal. 

One thing has DEFINITELY changed since the transfer though. 
Just like with both of my own pregnancies.. I am experiencing killer food aversions. 

But this is what it looks like to me...
If you recall, while on Medrol up to and through the transfer, i had to encapsulate the pills in peanut butter just to take them. It was cool. I love peanut butter. 

Or at least, I did. 

Right now the very act of making a PBJ for the Blondseters could bring me to my knees in front of the porcelain God. The smell of it... the look of it... the imagined taste of it... OK, I have to stop writing about it because I'm HONESTLY gagging at the thought.  

...5 minutes later... 

No more peanut butter talk. 

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

B List Starstruck

Rode home on the plane across from Aziz Ansari. Kind of b list, but I was still starstruck.

Then I realized in 18 months, someone could recognize me on a plane.

Freaky.

Monday, August 26, 2013

All Done, And A MAJOR Announcement

Here are E.D. and I, playing Vanna White with the screen. We're highlighting the white blob that is/are the future children for M&T. Here's a rundown of what happened today.




Our two little Emryos

Our stats:

12 eggs received
11 eggs mature
9 eggs fertilized 
4 eggs highly viable
2 eggs transferred 

When we arrived at the clinic I was called back to the room almost instantly. Probably because of the film crew following me around. (Yes, film crew. Keep reading.)

I then had to sit in the room for quite awhile while we signed all sorts of papers. Some were to allow for the transfer to happen, some were to allow for the procedure to be filmed. Then we all crowded into the room. The doc, the nurse, me, the E.D., my aunt Becky, the camera woman and the audio man. Then we had an embarrassing fumble with Skype while we tried to get the boys tuned in to the show.

Aunt Becky!
Perhaps the most awkward part of this all was my sitting on a table, nude from the waste down with a pair of complete strangers rolling film. I hadn't really prepared for that.

Finally, everything was ready. I laid back and the catheter was inserted into the cervix. I did not feel a thing. Moments later I watched as the little white embryo blob went in. And then that was that. I feel so proud. I feel so excited. And, truly, I feel so tired.







I know you won't let me get away 

with just telling that much. 


The big announcement, obviously, is that I will be followed by a film crew for the rest of my journey.

What is it?  

I have been asked and have accepted invitation to work with Charles Smith, a film maker living in NYC on his project, titled "Atypical Family." The feature follows women in every phase of the surrogacy process. B's egg retrieval was recorded last week as part of the process. Other past surrogates will have supplemental interviews added to the project as well. The film maker will follow me, my family, and my uterus up to (and through) the delivery room.

Why do it? 

The film seeks to educate and dispel myths surrounding surrogates and surrogacy in general. This quite literally fell into my lap without any provocation. I am over the moon to be in a position to help a cause I feel so passionately about. We are a unique story, since I know our Egg Donor, and she is a family member. On a micro level I was very excited for the living, breathing yearbook that this film will create for these tiny embryos, inserted just today. Someday they'll be able to watch their creation, and hear those most closely involved with their creation tell the story. I am proud to be creating that for them.

Where can I see it? 

The project has not yet found a permanent home. It is being highly shopped by a national platform you've all heard of, with a few other entities showing interest as well. I can't reveal who yet though. Please don't ask. It may also wind up being circulated on the Indy Film circuit in NYC in the future.

Want to learn more? 

Charles Smith has just secured a domain site for further exploration of the film and it's intent. Once that's live, I will absolutely post details here. In the meantime, learn more about Charles, here.

Theyre in!!

That white blob is the middle of the screen are oir boy/girl twins. With e.d.

Making Joeys

Here we go!!!

Heading Out!

The time has come, friends!!!

I am down to the shuttle, to go put another man's baby into my uterus!

LUCK!!!

Off To The Races!

That's kind of how this morning feels. Surprisingly, I got a load of sleep. This despite my incredible excitement and late bedtime.

When my alarm went off this morning I sprang out of bed (Despite the rocks in my bottom) and did a little jig right there beside my bed.


Lucky Transfer Outfit
Safe to say there is are no feelings of nerves, doubt, or timidity going into today. It's pure jubilation. Like a kid on Christmas morning.

I knew I'd pen a blog before heading down to the transfer, and I had planned on it being introspective. Deep, even. Thinking about gay rights, surrogate rights, educating the world, breaking barriers, victory... maybe even apprehension about what I am about to do.

But as I sit here, none of that is coming to me. All I've got for you right now, is pure joy. White as freshly fallen snow set again a deep green Cedar. 

Day's Schedule:


  • 8am- Breakfast with B and Becky. 
  • 9am- Super secret side project (big reveal coming very, very soon) 
  • 10:15am- leave for transfer
  • 11:00 am- Insert two beautiful babies(OK...embryos) into my uterus. 
  • 12 noon: Bedrest and Chipotle. 


I'll post updates as the day progresses.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Heres to the Grams!

It occurred to T and I the other day that we're spending so much time thinking about babies, surromommy and daddies, that there exists a whole sphere of relatives out there who deserve the spotlight as well. Thus far, they've managed to escape it. But no more.

Here's to you, grandmas, mimis, nannas, and all their spouses.

Having been raised by my grandparents myself, there is no one out there who knows better the importance of these people in our lives. They are the soft spoiling arms we run to first, and the iron hammer that lays down the law for good when we choose not to hear it from mom and dad.

My grandma with all her "kids" 
Grandparents are our very first friends, and often some of our deepest bonds through life. They have the ability to teach us love in a way others often can't. They teach us patience and tolerance through nothing but their wise years. They always have a story to tell, and wisdom in each tall tale.

I miss my grandparents so deeply. I often feel like I can hear them cheering me on through this process.

M&T tell me these little babies (we're just going to start using the plural now, since we're all convinced that it's going to be twins) are going to be surrounded on all sides by the strong arms of grandparents. This makes me so very, very happy. No doubt these people already know the important role they'll play in these bubbies lives. No doubt they're over the top excited to get started. So excited in fact, T tells me they're getting as little sleep due to excitement as the rest of us.

So here's to you, wise, loving, tolerant, patience and excited grandparents. Just a few more months to wait. I'm firing up the slow cooker today, and handing them over to you in less than a year.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Toasting the Bubs To Be

I'm sure by now you can assume that the transfer did *NOT* happen today.

I actually had to call the doctor's office an hour before my procedure time to ask if I was coming in today or Monday. 30 minutes later they called back and told me the best news to date. They told me that the eggs look strong and great so we would be waiting until 11 a.m. Monday afternoon to do the transfer.

The Gals, Toasting to Bubs to Be
This left Becky and I with two days to be So Cal tourists. We tossed a lot of ideas around, wanting mostly to rent a car and go over to Santa Monica. We wound up passing on that today in order to explore Pasadena a bit.

Mistake. 

Not that we didn't have a lovely time, I most certainly did, but apparently the car rental place is closed tomorrow. We have a few tricks up our sleeve and will try to get to the ocean one way or another.

The walking we did through Pasadena left my bottom rock hard and incredibly sore. This means I'm going to have to turn down B's invitation to hike to the Hollywood sign tomorrow. I'm just not sure I could physically do it.

So tomorrow it'll be either Santa Monica or another full day at the hotel pool. Which won't be bad at all.

PS- The above photo is me, my aunt, our egg donor and her good friend. The gals out to dinner last night, with one dad on skype, raising a glass to the bubs to be! :)

Waiting on The call

When I came to LA, I said, "Dammit I'm sleeping in everyday."

So what am I doing at 6:30 am on a day when I could sleeping peacefully?




Waiting on my phone to ring. In about 20-40 minutes we'll get the big call. The call will let us know if we're transferring today or Monday.The best news would be for a Monday transfer.

Ring phone, ring!

Friday, August 23, 2013

Dinner!!

With my aunt and wairing on the arrival of e.d.!

That was Surprising

Where am I?
Where else. 
The airport bar. 


Honestly folks, I have to say goodbye to Sam Adams in some insanely short amount of time. So one more round of hot wings and Sam Adams while I can, please.

This also means that we've picked up Mimi, handed the kids off for the next 5 (glorious) days and made it through airport security. All of which were items I was a bit nervous about.

I must admit that I teared up a little bit when I left the girls. Don't get me wrong, I was more than happy to turn and walk away the moment the tantrums started over getting back into the stroller. Even so, I was surprised that I was emotional over saying goodbye. We'll blame it on the hormones.

I was also more than a little nervous to go through TSA with so many damn needles in my carry on bag. I think theres about 21 one those suckers in there, some 18g... which can pierce a navel and certainly serve as a weapon in the right hands. I was prepared for a fight.

It was really surprising at what a non issue it was. They didn't even open my goodie bag (filled with needles vials of hormones and roughly 100 pills). So cool, don't ask don't tell, right?

One last thing. No free first class upgrade on this flight. And that STINKS. Mostly because I was hoping for an electrical outlet at my seat so that I could spend some quality time with the heating pad for the next two hours. Yes yes, go ahead and smirk surrosisters. My ass hurts. The mission to be the first non issue progesterone surrogate did not last past shot two. Going to have to hit the left cheek tonight. Damn.

OK, See you in Sunny L.A.!  

More tongue fun

Let's DO this!

I just woke up, in the middle of the night, and realized something very cool.

The migration to LA to get Mandy pregnant has already begun. 

It's 4:33 a.m. here. Which means...


  • In Kansas City it is 6:33 a.m., and Lisa (my step mom) should be arriving at the airport for her 8:05 a.m. flight. 

  • In Knoxville, Tennessee it is 7:33 a.m., and my transfer companion Aunt Becky should be rolling out of bed very soon to get ready for her 11:05 a.m. flight. 

  • In Aussie Land it is 9:41 p.m. and there are two very excited future daddies probably missing out on sleep. 


And in Seattle, Washington the surrogate is now too awake to sleep any more. Which is probably a good thing considering how badly her arse is hurting.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

What The Hell Am I Thinking?

I'm sure by now you're wondering if that thought has ever crossed my mind in this process.

The answer is a resounding yes. 


In fact it is usually preceded (or occasionally followed) by the thought, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

Affectionate fans, don't worry. No cold feet here. 


I think that anyone who takes this on has those thoughts at some point. Or at least they should. This is a crazy thing to do. Pumping my body full or hormones and needles it doesn't need to get pregnant, to have a baby for people I hardly know. By the way boys, how do you take your eggs and what's your favorite color? 

You Know you're curious....
So why do it at all? Maybe I am a little nuts. Kind of crazy. But I believe in making a difference and trusting one's heart. And I'm so happy to be here. So excited for tomorrow I couldn't sleep last night. Tonight is going to be worse.

Even so, while shoving a pill the size of a pressed penny into places a pill should never be placed ... I do find myself thinking, "What the hell am I doing?" Don't worry though, it wasn't too bad. Perhaps the oddest part of the vag rocket was how not odd it was.

I also took my first Progesterone shot last night. The big kahuna daddy mac of pain in surrogacy. 

Seriously, the horror stories I've heard had me prepared for pain worse than natural labor

Well, it just ain't that bad folks. At least not yet. It's a bit sore. Maybe like I slept on a marble overnight. Hopefully I can keep that level of pain for the next 12 weeks. But I did think to myself, as I tried to relax and not hyperventilate, "Mandy... what the HELL have you gotten yourself into?"


Then I think about the fact that next week this time, I'll be pregnant again. Pregnant. For 9 months. This is one of those times I think, "What the HELL have you gotten yourself into," as well as, "What the HELL are you thinking?" at the same time.

I think this is a healthy and natural response. Mostly because I know why I am here. And I remind myself I LOVE being pregnant. And then I think of M&T and I smile. I really do love those guys. Maybe, just maybe, my feet would have a chill if it wern't for them. But we're a team. They're counting on me right now. And I'll be damned if I'll let them (or myself) down.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Accurate. Scary accurate.

I just posted this status update on Facebook:
"Jesus I feel like a giant water balloon. So incredibly bloated. Quick, somebody throw me at a wall and see if I pop..."
To which my good friend Whitney replied:



Shaking my head. 
It's accurate. 
It's scary accurate.

Blog Overload

I guess I should prepare you all for an overload of updates in the coming 21 days. There's just so much happening and there are so many emotions revolving around these happenings that I want to record.

At first I felt badly for the upcoming swarm of information. Especially considering I learned recently of someone who unfriended me on FaceBook as a result of my surrogacy blogging. But then I realized I didn't like her all that much to start with, and poo poo on those who don't want to know every detail. Don't read them then. But I'm going to write them.

Onward. 


The journey feels a bit like a duck swimming right now. To those on the outside things look like they're swimming along smoothly. Just beneath the surface though, there is paddling like hell to make it all look so easy to those on the shore.

For example. I am about to get on a skype call for a side project related to my journey. But I can't tell you all what it is. Yet.

For example. There was a potential hiccup in our road yesterday. But I'm not going to talk about it here. Ever. Just know all is well now.

Here are the things I can talk about. 


Leaving the Blondesters

I'll only touch lightly on this now, because it will have it's own blog later... but I get 5 days off! Most surros I read are all, "I miss them soooo much. Can I bring them? Can I go home early?" NOT. ME. I love them, yes. I'll miss them, maybe. ;) But I certainly am not the lamenting mother crying in the corner. I'll be the one lounged by the pool (pre-transfer) and couch surfing (post trasnfer) with a book and NO time outs, diaper changes or tantrums. PEACE.OUT.

Flight Stress

I am a bit on edge about getting our flights to LA booked. All the flights I want are close to selling out, and procedure at the GG offices have kept them from making any reservation yet. And I fly out in like 48 hours. I'm not sure why we couldn't use our heads instead of the rule book and reserve this when my lining was ready to go 10 days ago... or when it was clear B would have her retrieval as scheduled 4 days ago. Or yesterday evening when the RE cleared me. Sigh

Lupron Mandy, Retired

Last night was my last Lupron injection. As this is the drug that keeps my ovaries quiet, it means I now have to be on pelvic rest (no orgasm) until further notice. I'm told that could last as long as 10 weeks pregnant... for a total of 11 weeks pelvic rest. Sorry, Chris. While I am happy about tossing out a bottle of hormones and tossing those unused needles, I'm sorry it comes at your expense.
____________________________________________________________________________
You'll notice the actual procedure and transfer don't make my list. Because I'm not worried about them. B has beautiful eggs. I have a beautiful ovaries. I'm just not worried about the procedure at all. That, at the least, is a wonderful feeling.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

ALCOHOL

So I was perusing a forum for surrogates when the question came up of whether or not she (the poster) was allowed to drink the night before a transfer.  And of course, any question of whether or not to drink has to be followed with "not that I drink a lot, I'm just curious..."  Let's be honest, ladies.  If you drink so often that you need to know whether or not you can get away with drinking every single day up to the transfer... or maybe they've never seen it that way.  Just once, I want to see someone on these forums say, "I want to get blackout drunk one more time before my nine month hiatus, and you better believe I'm getting nice and toasty once I evict that bad boy!"  ...just a thought.

Yeah, this is TOTALLY not happening.

Let's Make Some Joeys!

 
Just back from my final pre-transfer monitoring appointment. And it's great news!!!

Lining is at a 10.7 and the nurse went on, and on and ON about my, "beautiful uterus."

She said, "You have what everyone wants." I asked how that could be, and why she and my Dr. were so excited over just standard lining thickness. She explained to me that more goes into it than just lining thickness. Things like blood flow, a thick triple stripe, angle of the uterus etc.

Then she finished it up by saying, "Theres nothing to change here. It's simply perfect. Your uterus is just textbook beautiful."

So big smile, time to pack for LA and it's time to make some baby joeys!

Geographic Tongue


They say Geographic Tongue can be linked to hormonal changes, sometimes right before your period when you're at your most fertile. Here's hoping this morning's tongue art is a good sign of my last monitoring appoint.  Details to follow. 

For more on my wicked cool tongue- check out The Wikipedia Article

Saturday, August 17, 2013

What's For Dinner? Oh Wait, It Doesn't Matter

The last three day's I've felt sick. In truth, I've even been sick. 

It honestly feels like morning sickness. I never had the joy with Adelia, and only rarely with Emrys... so to have had 72 hours of straight nausea is pretty frustrating.

I am convinced that this must be related to the hormone therapy, as I have no other flu like symptoms, have only succumbed to the nausea once and it flares up around food times.

So I googled, "What causes morning sickness" to see if increased estrogen can be a culprit.



Number one response? 

"If you have morning sickness, you may be pregnant."

Thanks, Nostradamus. 

So for now, I'll take this as a GOOD sign... (grandma always said the sicker you are, the healthier the baby by far) Even though it means my bloated, hormonal self didn't get to eat much dinner this week.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Two Steps Forward...

Checking in with Star Shine on her natural cycle can be frustrating. Her journey to help someone have a baby has been a long and winding path. And now it has yet another road block.

The natural cycle is still on plan, and still coming soon. But due to egg donor blackout dates, her timeline has had to be pushed back.

What this means, in a nutshell, is that the woman the IP has chosen to be the biological mother can't travel or be on cycle during ideal times for Star. So instead, they're retrieving her eggs this week and will do a frozen egg transfer later.

Star is back to the back burner, letting her patience continue to gain in strength. She will find out in a few more weeks exactly when they plan to do the transfer. At that time her natural cycle will start over. At that point, so long as her body responds the way it did during mock cycle, it's full speed ahead!

In the meantime, Star has her plate full of other life activities and obligations to keep her distracted. This is still good news. Things are still moving forward. Just at the speed of surrogacy.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Skyping With The Egg Donor... Twinsies

I had a *lovely* Skype with B (our Egg Donor) this morning. I was doing morning chores as she packed for her 17 hour flight across the ocean to help our baby making process. I really can't state how cool I think it is to have a known donor. And to be welcomed into her life and get the experience of seeing this journey from all sides is just an amazing bonus. The fact that I find her so funny only adds to my excitement in general.

Besides learning that she's gorgeous and this little baby(ies) are going to be supermodels, I also learned that she's a free spirit and a lot of fun. Going along with that, I learned that just before she agreed to be our E.D. she happened into a psychic's chair.

Apparently this lady told her she was going into a fertile period and would have babies within the next 18-24 months. When B heard this she thought the lady was a flake. She was single, so kids? Come now! Apparently the lady behind the glass ball insisted, and told her it wasn't to be just one baby, but indeed two.

A day or so later she learned of M&T's plans and agreed to help them. The physic may have not been so wrong after all.

Anyone who knows me knows I have an affinity for twins.

We're pretty darn sure I was one (technology wasn't as precise 30 years ago folks....) and the docs all thought Emrys was a twin for the first 10 weeks. Then one sac was just gone, and my hormone levels regulated to what was "normal" for a singleton. Much like what happened in my mother's womb 30 years ago. (And can I just say, thank GOD it was only one Emmy? What on EARTH would I do with two of HER?)

Anyway, it's no secret that I would love to experience twins. Just for my own knowledge.

And apparently according to this physic in Aussie Land, that's exactly what I'm going to get. 

You ready for two, M&T? 

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Cream of the Crop

Thats what the tech just said ofbmy scan. 7.8mm with the triple stripe. She gave my scan an A++.

And to that I say,

Sunday, August 11, 2013

I Shouldn't Be surprised

I've always been the type to be super sensitive to medicine. If it says, "may make you drowsy" it can be expected that I'll be kin to dead for the next 12 hours. If it says, "take with food" we're talking steak and potatoes as opposed to a glass of milk in order to keep it down. That's just me.

So I shouldn't be too surprised that injecting hormones into my body has the same effect.

Perhaps the most notable change is my loss of a temperament dial. For our purposes, consider most people to have a 1-10 radio volume dial style device that controls their anger, stress etc... A level 1 being a happy fun filled day by the beach with a bucket of Sam Adams, and a 10 being a "Call the Pope in for an exorcism." Well, these hormones have replaced my slowly escalating dial with a rocker switch. I'm either sand in my toes... or speaking in tongues and levitating. I can go from one to the other and back again inside of 10 minutes.

Truly, it must be humorous to those around me. I'm trying so hard to control my temper when I know I'm getting needlessly stressed out or upset, and it makes me sweat. Profusely. And this girl doesn't sweat. Like, not even when I am working out hard.

The other thing I've noticed are the cravings and exhaustion. I swear, it's like I'm ALREADY pregnant. In 10 minutes tonight I craved ranch dressing, hot wings, spaghetti and honey. But I'm so tired I don't think I can stay awake long enough to cook any of them. So I opted for oven chicken wings with a side of ranch.

So most days I'm a sweaty, smelly, stressed sister stuffing her face with God knows what.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Pill Poppin & Needle Needin

Awhile back I posted about feeling guilty over my monthly allowance. 
I don't anymore. 
I finally figured out what it was intended to be used to assist me with. It's for the purchase of items I would otherwise never purchase... but find myself needing as a direct result of this surrogacy. 

This is one of those things: 


That's right, I've bought an old lady pill organizer. And for good reason. I take a LOT of pills. 

In fact, tonight as I was sorting my weekly pills and organizing my pill box I decided to show you exactly what a week in the life of a surrogate looks like. Are you ready for this? 

Here it is: 



I counted. A week in my life right now means 82 pills and 9 injections. Every 7 days. And I add more meds to this count in about 10 days.  Who wants to sign up now? 

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Lupron Mandy, Apprentice Supervillain

Mandy called me yesterday to admit that she was on the phone threatening a nearby big box store because of her negative online pickup experience.  I could feel the fumes pouring over the air waves; sometimes I'm glad there is a physical barrier between us in the daytime.  She has asked me in advance to forgive all her hormone-driven accusations of my not being there for her, and she has already stated that any insults to my character should be disregarded, unless she specifically states that it's not the hormones talking.


...I think she's training to be a supervillain.

Something I Probably Shouldn't Admit

But I kind of look forward to my evening injections at this point. 
That's right, I like giving myself injections. 

Well OK, I wouldn't go that far... But I certainly don't dread it. It reminds me that I'm doing something real. That this process is moving forward. It's me doing my part for this team.

Now, before you all leave comments on my naivety, I know the worst is yet to come. Read the entire post first.

This whole not hating the injections thing is catching me so off guard. I hate needles. Always have. I even cringe at blood draws. But after getting ye old tramp stamp in college  the first thing my grandma told me (after a 14 day straight silent treatment) was that I was never, ever allowed to cry over a shot again. And I've held true to that. It's helped my life a lot, actually. So thank you Grandma.

Anyway, I've dreaded the injections part of this process for about as long as I've wanted to be a surrogate.

So imagine my surprise at not hating it. 


Each new injection type is terrifying.

First the teeny tiny Lupron (give through an insulin needle) was scary. Now I'm a pro. No bleeding, no bruising, no heavy breathing or self convincing. It's almost like popping a tylenol before bed.

Last night was our first intramuscular injection. This tiny amount of Estrogen is withdrawn from the vile with an 18 gauge needle. I'll post a pic, but just so you know... that's the size of many a body piercing needle. And there's a reason I don't have body piercings.... I could seriously drink a soda through that thing. Luckily for me, I change the needle to a 22g for injection. It's still pretty intimidating, especially considering I have to show the entire 1.5 inch thing into my hiney.

So I iced the area... said a rosary (not literally) and started my hyperventilation. Chris said it actually had him in a mild panic to watch my fear level rising. But in the end, I laid on my belly and hardly felt a thing. This morning there is a bit of sensitivity... but come on people, I shoved an inch and a half needle into deep muscle and punctured said muscle. It's SUPPOSED to hurt a little. This is totally manageable.

I have just one type of injection left to master. The big daddy progesterone in oil (PIO, Or PIA as I think I'll call it) shot. Apparently this is the one that will make me want to meet my maker, and it's a daily dose until 12 weeks preggo. And, to boot, as I am a serious left side sleeper... I'm going to have to do all shots in my right butt cheek. About a 2"x2" area. Ugh.

I did ask my case worker if she'd ever had a surrogate not be bothered by the PIO (PIA) shots. She laughed, and said no. So I know my reckoning is coming. But for now... I'm not minding my evening pin prick.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Monitor THAT!

Just got results from my second monitoring appointment.

My lining fell from 4.5 mm to 3.2 mm, but as I am currently menstruating that is to be expected.

The real news is my blood estrogen level. Last week I was still on active birth control pills, and the level was a tiny 9.8.

Today, 4 days removed from the pill, my blood estrogen level was 73.

Thats still below the 80 that Dr. Kolb aims for, so everyone is happy. Especially me, as a 9.8 is the standard estrogen level of a post menopausal woman. The low number had me scared. 

So new injections tonight, much larger needles.. and even more new hormones. YIPPIEE

Heres this weeks snapshot of Mr. Wandy. He was in his party jacket....

Monday, August 5, 2013

A Shooting Starshine

Big news on the StarShine front this morning!
The doctors have agreed, her natural preparation antics are good enough. 

Mock cycle ended. 
Real cycle planned. 


This is such a major victory for drug free surrogacy. I am so excited for her! 

I've asked Star to write a bit about how this whole journey has felt to her over the last (two) years. She has supplied us with this beautiful prose:

It began with hope. 
Strong, flashing, made of bright burnished gold and was warm to the touch. 
That hope stabilized - it became something stronger, deeper, made of smooth stone covered in moss. 
Still warm after a day spent in the sun. It fueled me and drove me on, as hope should.


One day it came to pass, as nature intends, that the sunlight set, and my stone cooled. It sunk below a horizon made of distant goals, became blocked by the Setback Hills and the Disappointment Mountains.

Once the light was gone and night fell, my hope made do with the soft white light of the moon, set solidly in a sky of Someday stars. I knew that night would pass and found solace in it, and in the Mother's glow, as long as I could.

I knew that night would pass and that morning would come. I knew that morning would come and that my stone of hope, which had grown so cold in the darkness, would bask and warm itself, again. 
I knew it.

And yet...and yet. A part of me fretted.

There came a point where clouds covered the Mother's glow in the night sky and blocked her smile from my view. Plunged into total, still, breathtaking darkness, I waited. 
I waited for my hope to die. 

I held it in my hands and breathed on to it, trying my best to keep it from freezing and dying, though I could not see it even so close to my eyes as it was. 

"Morning has to come soon," I whispered, unbelieving. 
Even the kindly willow, wise and steadfast, whispered to me that I was foolish to worry. She knew that morning would come, and so ought I. 

And I did know.
And yet...and yet. A part of me doubted.

Finally, morning did come. It came in fits and spurts, and it came with clouds in the violet-and-cerulean sky that were dark and threatened of storms and rain. 

But it did come. 
I knew it would.

And once the sun had climbed partway above my head and its warm, rich fingers stroked my hair, my tiny stone of hope had once again become a strong, flashing, golden thing.

I have a whole day in the sun ahead of me, I thought, and made the most of it.


Best part of it all? Her bleed started a few hours before mine. Means our calendars will likely be right in sync and we will transfer together. 

Check out the other Starshine Blogs: 

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Happy Birthday to Me!!

PS- Today is my 30th birthday.
And this just arrived from  M&T.




I'm so beyond lucky to have been matched with these two!!!!
Fresh flowers are my favorite gift in the entire world.

Introducing Our Egg Donor



Pictured above are T and, drumroll please, our egg donor. 

I've been waiting to share this bit of awesome news for quite awhile now and I am so excited to finally be writing this blog. Our egg donor is a known donor. She's a family member. 

First things first, NO. Daddy and mommy aren't related.  

M will be this baby's daddy. He was the only dad to give a sperm sample. This decision was made long ago, long before this egg donor likely even knew the guys were trying to grow a family. The egg donor is related to T. So while this child will bear a biological connection to BOTH dads (and how stinkin' cool is that?) there is no chance at all that the baby will be created within the branches of just one family tree. 

When the guys told their families that they were working with a surrogate to grow a family, cousin "B" (our donor) stepped up and volunteered to join our team.

I don't know about you all, but for me looking at this picture of them on the left is so cool. Who could have guessed that these two little kids, these cousins would someday be working together to make a baby?

So, why is this so special?


From what I gather, choosing an egg donor is nothing like choosing your surrogate.

I am told in many cases it is a more difficult decision than choosing the surrogate. This person will be responsible for determining genetic make up of your child, whereas I'll just be babysitting for a few months. 

Despite the added stress of choosing the attributes of half your child's makeup, the process remains more anonymous than choosing your surrogate. Most egg donors complete a profile that comprises of medical history, physical attributes, personality attributes and an IQ test. Some profiles are more specific than others, but it seems to be a rare thing to ever meet your donor in person. 

But we're anything but normal. 


What makes this SO very special is that this little baby(ies) will be able to grow up knowing dad, dad and egg donor. Maybe even tummy mummy if I'm lucky. Not many surrobabes get to have that wealth of knowledge available to them. 

And while this baby would be loved by both sets of grandparents no matter who the donor was, I can't help but imagine that Christmas and birthdays will be even more special, since both sides can call this baby their blood. 

Because of B, our story is so much better. We're both on hormone therapy, and soon this lovely lady and myself will be working together (medically at least) to help a terrific couple become dads.