Here's a link to the blog in question:
By Rebecca Hamilton.
First up; look lady...
I've been called a lot of things in my day. Oddly enough, prostitute or some synonym may have been one of them (college...yeesh...) But one thing I have never, EVER been accused of being is a follower. Much less an unintelligent follower failing to possess the wits to make my own decisions. I dare say many of my surrogate counterparts fall into the same category.
What Ms. Hamilton fails to understand, in my opinion, is that surrogacy is such a selfless choice. Yes, it is so rewarding and enriching. I am proud to be able to give my children a first hand experience in compassion and love. I am proud that my husband supports my choice. I am proud of myself. BUT.... this decision comes with many a cost. These include:
- Missing holidays with family (since I cant travel for a large part of the journey)
- Unexpected overnight trips away from my kids (Because who knows when my uterine lining will be just right)
- Weight gain. A lot of weight gain.
- Stretch marks
- Saggy boobs
- Emotional distress- though emotional rewards come as well.
- Injections... self given... into my ass... daily...
- Limiting my travel plans
- No new tattoos
- No smoking or alcohol consumption (for those who do that outside of surrogacy)
- Possible family dissent
- Possible public scrutiny (reference mentioned blog)
The list really goes on and on. Talk to any surrogate about her "compensation" package and you're likely to get momma bear really fired up. Most of us won't even tell you what the package includes.
This lack of sharing isn't because we're ashamed;
it's because we're offended.Not a one of us chooses to walk this journey for financial gain. To suggest as much is infuriating and offensive. It makes you look ignorant, just so you know.
So why DO we do this? It differs for every surrogate. Readers of this blog know I felt a pull from God to do this. To help His kingdom.
Despite the blogger's infuriating words, I must continue to maintain my Journalistic oath (self imposed) from French Philosopher Voltaire, "I may not agree with a word you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." Which brings me to my next point; censorship.
Ms. Hamilton will only post criticism and response to her article once she reads and approves of the comments. You won't find said limitations here folks. Flame away; I can take it. I believe in and respect strong willed and worded people. I lose all respect when you exhibit your ability to dish out freedom of speech, but duck and cover when it comes to receiving freedom of speech in response.
Perhaps what has me most worked up over her post is not that she is calling me a prostitute, M&T "Johns" and Growing Generations my "pimp" as much as it is her flagrant disregard for educating herself before preaching about the missing virtues of myself, my IF's and my agency. To suggest we poor unfortunate surrogate souls haven't the faintest idea of what we're getting ourselves into...Wrong again, Ms. Hamilton.
Most surrogates are incredibly self informed. Those who are not well informed at the onset of surrogacy sure are informed by the time we sign legal contracts and begin medications. In fact for some of us, myself included, the journey TO surrogacy is long and research intense. I waited THREE YEARS just to be able to apply for the chance to become a surrogate. Don't pity my misinformation, Ma'am.
To suggest intended parents arrive at surrogacy as an easy way out of pregnancy and into parenthood is heartbreakingly cruel. I've not encountered a set of Intended Parents (heterosexual or homosexual) who don't wish they could be the ones carrying their own child. This is a difficult decision for them. A painful one. They want a baby. Not to victimize a surrogate. They'd have the baby themselves if they could. Your words are uninformed and hurtful.
Surrogates are not ill witted, under educated, poverty stricken victims, ma'am. (Most agencies have catches to weed out those types of applicants anyway, which you'd know had you done your research...) What we are is strong willed, independent, whole hearted compassionate women willing to sacrifice our time, our bodies and at times our families to help others grow their families.