Monday, February 11, 2013

What's in a number anyway?

The weight roller coaster continues. And believe it or not, this is actually pretty relevant to my surrogacy journey. But I am curious, when is enough, enough?

I'm down 15 pounds now, which is awesome because:

  • I'm back in my skinny pants- stored in the shed since May of 2011. 
  • I weigh less than I did at my wedding. 

And in another 5-7 pounds...

  • I'll be smaller than my husband has ever seen me. 

But, I am still not satisfied. 

I started to loose weight for a handful of primary reasons.

  1. I have been told it is more difficult to match a heavier surrogate than a fit one. 
  2. If I carry twins, I'll really pack on the pounds this time (as opposed to 32 lbs with D and 28 lbs with Em)
  3. I wanted to look hot one more time before getting pregnant...again... (Yeah, I'm vain. But at least I can admit it.)

So here I am, down 15 pounds and I can liken the stretch marks that ripple across my belly courtesy of the blondsters (I'll save you the photo image) to an accordion. It's actually kind of cool looking.
So, even with all of those positive things to say about my weight loss, I still surge forward with the goal of losing another 10-20 pounds.

This is because a long time ago I put this arbitrary number in my head. And I need to loose the 15 pounds to hit it. And if I can squeak out to 20 more pounds I'll hit my ideal BMI.... and yes, I know BMI is a bunch of garbage. But if I like what I see, and my clothes fit nicely, why do I still feel so motivated to see a lower number on the LCD readout?

My caseworker at Growing Generations tells me I'm a fine size. And she tells me a little extra padding on the gut and butt can actually help ease the discomfort of the injections. I wonder if that's true, or if she's just trying to bolster my self esteem a little bit.

I would like it if other surros reading this could share their opinions though....


  1. Hey! I just found your blog through Love Makes a Family blog. What a cool story you have. As for the weight issue... I truly think there is never a goal weight that will be "enough" (especially for someone who struggled with food issues, as you previously alluded to). If the agency thinks you're good, just go with that. Usually clinics want you under a certain BMI but I can tell just by looking at your picture, you'll be fine! I was 10 lbs heavier than my "normal" weight just before our recent (successful!) transfer.

  2. Thank you so much for your kind words! My BMI is fine for the agency.. but I really hate the whole BMI conversion thing. I run and do some decent weight lifting, so even when I'm down several pants sizes, I might only notice a 10 pound difference, and thus not much change in BMI. I'm glad you found me, and hope you'll follow our story!