I must admit, my first reaction looked a bit like this...
I seriously almost just deleted the email and laughed it off. Instead, I forwarded the request to Chris.
Chris had a different reaction. To him the request looked a little like this... .
(I will see if I can get him to blog his thoughts on this sometime soon...)
So here we are now needing to make an important decision. And I just can't decide. I told the agency on Friday that I'd take the weekend to think it over, and here we are at Monday and I'm no closer to a yes or a no. So I write about it. Here you go bloggers, enjoy my internal debate.
The bones of the story are that no, it's not realistic that I would have any chance at all of contracting the virus, nor is it feasible that the infant would be born with HIV. Those were my first and most primary of concerns.
Next up, I pondered the moral implications of helping a couple have a child who would ultimately have to bury their parent long before is natural. I am assured though that recent medical breakthroughs are allowing people with HIV to live as long as their uninfected partners.
So with my two main concerns erased I should be really open to this, right?!?!? Chris thinks that this is the IDEAL opportunity for me to help a couple who needs it the most. A couple who can not have their own children and will also have a very difficult time finding a surrogate. This is the ideal way to make a difference and to be on the front lines of medical technology. Growing Generations has birthed close to 1,100 babies and only 50 of those have been a part of this program.
I feel like doing this would totally broaden my horizons and teach me a new lesson in love, tolerance and acceptance. Who DOESN'T want that?
Would I discriminate from helping a couple where one individual had a pacemaker or heart disease? Nope. This should be absolutely, positively no different. But it is. And I can't decide why. I just can't see it in my future. Yet at the same time, I am not willing to tell the agency no.
Here is why I think that is.
There are issues that matter to Chris and I. Very important issues. Things like number of live embryos to transfer. Views on selective reduction. Opinions of building a large family or just having one baby... These are big deals to us. A couple's sexual orientation just is not.
I don't favor discrimination, but it's exactly what I am doing if I tell this program no. There is no risk to my health, and I've decided previously that my health is the only right I should allow myself in this process in order to maintain an emotional separation from the fetus. So, I can either do this or be a big ole hiporcit saying I don't discriminate and knowing my heart that I am actively doing it.
I feel like if I agree to be a part of this program, I will ONLY be matched with HIV positive parents. I don't want that. But if the path God is leading me down ends with my IPs being a of the Hart program, I think I'd be OK with that.
Well golly gee bloggers, I think I've made my decisions. Maybe. More thinking, more praying... and an update soon. Promise.