I like to pretend that every one of my blog posts is deep and has an emotional lesson to be learned. But this one does not. It's mostly complaining and feeling guilty for my lack of patience.
I'm ready. Now.
It seems to me that once you've made the choice to do something as life altering as have a baby for someone else, the idea of twiddling your thumbs for nearly a year seems to be so incredibly cruel.
I know I want to do this, and I know I am ready. I know we've got support from friends and family. I know my church supports me. I know we've made our decisions on the type of family we want to find and help.I know we've decided legal preferences, residency preferences, medical preferences... I know we've made our profile of who we are and who we're seeking. I know we're ready to dig in and get going.
I also know that before I can have a baby for someone else, I need to give my baby the best shot at life possible. That means nursing her for at least 12 months. Emrys will be 6 months in two weeks, so I've got roughly six months to go until we can "officially" start our process. I know I need patience. But, I'm ready to go NOW.
Perhaps because we really made the decision to become a surrogate family in June of 2011 and had more than a year to evaluate, consider and mentally and emotionally prepare, I just feel like I'm not at all rushing and I'm ready to start the process. I know it sounds weird, but I'm ready to be pregnant again. I like being pregnant. Honestly, I'm even ready to do child birth again.
Never in a million years would I consider ending our nursing before 12 months. Not for anything, not even this surrogacy, which I feel called by God to complete. But sometimes I feel like, come on Em... lets GO!
Like I said... this blog isnt deep... no secret meaning.... just belly aching... about how I'm ready to get started. Sigh.
I hope you're thinking and praying for me, indented parents. Be patient, I'm preparing myself for you. Perhaps we both need patience.