Friday, September 16, 2016

Counting DOWN, & Some Sad News


At some point in every pregnancy women begin to count down instead of up. Instead of, "Oh, I'm 13 weeks..." you'll begin to hear things like, "Halfway there!" or, "Only 10 weeks to go!!!!!"

Typically this begins sometime after the 20th week of pregnancy. But I'm only 19 weeks along, and already my count DOWN has begun.

My OB (and in fact many OBs out there) don't like to allow a twin gestation to be carried past the 38th week of pregnancy. It can lead to more complications than it's worth, and babies typically only gain weight, as opposed to life necessary functions, in those last weeks anyway. So, in most cases, an OB will induce labor (joy of joys) sometime in the 38th week, if it doesn't happen on it's own.

Apart from my OB's countdown clock, I am assured that my body has a biological countdown, too. I've been told time and time again that, with twins, the body kind of throws in the towel around week 34/35. While many women can and do carry twins to full term (40 weeks) that seems to be the exception, and not the rule. I've made my peace with this.

In our case, we have no reason to suspect that I'll have a premature labor or birth. My cervix has always been my, "steel trap" and is "long and strong" as of last week. Even so, mathematically, we've officially past the latest possible "half way" point for this pregnancy. While not technically "due" until February 8, 2017- our plan is to deliver these babies in January. January 12-19 specifically is our "golden window."

And that brings me to my sad news. 

As of last week, my beloved agency, Growing Generations announced that due to complex legal barriers, they will no longer be able to work with surrogates from Washington State. As I've stated before, I had really, really hoped to have one more surrogacy after this; ideally with GG's "HART" program for those living with an HIV+ diagnosis.

It is crystal clear that, with this latest development, that is no longer an option for my future. As Chris continues to tell me, "We still have options, just none of them ideal," for if we want to achieve my goal of one more surrogacy following this one.

The sudden change of life plans has put a bittersweet shadow on me this week. I've always said I'd aim to know at the start of a pregnancy if it were to be my last, so that I could enjoy and memorize every "last first" of the process. What can I say, I just love being pregnant.

So, just this week, as the cubs have gotten *VERY* active... it's been bittersweet. It could be the last time I'm feeling little babies inside of my body, my absolute favorite part of pregnancy. To realize that this could be my last pregnancy when I'm already in the "count down" phase... is sad.

But, I am determined to enjoy and memorize every last ounce of this pregnancy from here on out... just in case. The Intended Parents will be here in a week or so for our big 20 week ultrasound. I'm excited for the visit, and intend to make the most of every moment of pregnancy that I have left!